


stars misaligned

by loudqueen



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Star Tears, Ten Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, a lot of crying, hoshinamida
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24768748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudqueen/pseuds/loudqueen
Summary: Ten wanted to give Kun every planet that ever appeared in the universe. He wanted to give Kun every single star in the night sky. He wanted Kun to know the adoration the younger man had for the leader.But as Ten looked at the stars escaping his eyes, he comes to the conclusion he might never be able to do just that. He realizes then, patience was never a virtue.(In which Ten develops the Hoshinamida disease, and in which Ten almost risks his wellbeing for the love of his life)
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Qian Kun/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 54





	1. reverie

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone!! I’m BACK with another fanfic and this time it’s an angsty Kunten fanfic because I’m obsessed with kunten at the moment. I found Hoshinamida on Japanese twitter and I instantly fell in love with the concept, so I hope you guys enjoy this!! 💫

_ He should’ve known better. He should’ve known he couldn’t be with him, the universe didn’t allow it. _

  
  
  


Ten always had a fascination for people—he was considered the sociable and sarcastic member of his group, and that was true for the most part. He had a desire to get to know someone, even if he had just known them for five seconds. He wanted to know the little quirks of a person, their morning routine, the music they listen to, what they usually eat for dinner, who inspires them the most; no matter who it was, he was always intrigued by people’s personalities. 

So when Ten met Kun in 2015, he wanted to know everything about the shy yet talented boy from Fujian, China. 

Ten’s fascination for Kun became stronger by the day, with 2018 being the height of their friendship. 

At least for Kun, it was. 

For Ten, it became the year his romantic attraction for Kun blossomed; nights where Ten stormed out of the dorms after arguments with the members and distant phone calls with family members, and Kun running after Ten to console him, sometimes going to the corner store afterwards to mess around and buy their favorite snacks. The Thai man realized then—he was falling in love with Kun. 

Ten was aware of his attraction to the older man—the way Kun would look at him with those soft, welcoming brown eyes and Ten would blush furiously under his gaze. The way Kun would giggle at every corny and stupid joke, especially when Ten told the joke. The way Kun would cutely frown in deep concentration, whether it be while cleaning or producing a sample track. The way Kun’s smile would light up any room he was in….

Ten knew that he liked Kun, but he also knew he couldn’t risk ruining the friendship if he told Kun. For all he knew, Kun wasn’t attracted to men. In no way would Kun even be attracted to Ten; the younger man feared the possibilities if he actually told Kun his feelings for him. Besides, even if Kun  _ was _ attracted to men, Ten couldn’t see how Kun would like him. A lot of people, especially fans, didn’t know that Ten carried many insecurities, since he portrayed himself to be the bombastic and confident type. Deep down, Ten felt that he would never live up to Kun’s standards as a romantic partner—even as a friend, he had his doubts. 

Unfortunately for Ten, his attraction for Kun flourished even more when they were placed in a whole new group together. Now they were together 24/7, with less people in the dorms and more time to spend with each other. 

Today was supposed to be any other day for WayV; after finishing promotions for their newest album, the company decided they would take a long break for the time being. This meant more time for the members to hang out, binge watch shows they haven’t gotten around to, and try out new hobbies for themselves. 

For Ten though, today was the day he would finally confess to Kun. 

After two years of psyching himself out every time the two men were alone in a room together and giving himself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror, he finally built up the courage to confess everything to the older man. 

Ten is currently pacing back and forth in his shared bedroom, his mind cycling through the different versions of his confession. His hands are clammy and his heart is pounding rapidly within his chest, he knows it’s now or never. Even though just thinking about the possible outcomes of his confession has him extremely anxious, he can’t psyche himself out again. He wants to—he needs to—confess to Kun his true feelings for the older man, otherwise he might just combust. Ten’s pulled out of his raucous thoughts when he hears shouting in the main room and the entrance door closing, signaling the leader’s entry. 

The man slowly inhales as to calm his nerves—his plan was to guide Kun into his bedroom to talk to him privately. Then, that’s when Ten will finally confess his feelings for Kun. Regardless of the reaction he’ll receive from Kun, he’ll finally have confessed after so long. 

As Ten walks out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the main room, he hears an unfamiliar voice in the room that sounds like it’s coming from a male. _ Is that a friend of one of the members? Is it Kun’s friend?,  _ Ten thought to himself, his steps increasing as he hurried towards the ruckus. 

The breath in his chest was completely knocked out of him, like someone beat him until he could barely breathe properly. His hands didn’t feel so clammy anymore, and his heartbeat had suddenly calmed—he wondered if he was actually alive with how slow his pulse became. All Ten could do was stare and listen to the slow pulse in his head, as the unfamiliar man he heard from the hallway clasped Kun’s hand and pecked the man on the lips. The members looked like they were congratulating the new couple, but Ten couldn’t hear it well. They stared at each other as if the world didn’t exist around them, as if the man had given Kun every star in the universe. 

The love around them felt so... _ real.  _

Ten couldn’t comprehend the scene in front of him, his thoughts suddenly subdued from the sight. His legs seemed to have moved on his own as he was being taken away to the bathroom by his own free will—fortunately, none of the members nor Kun seemed to have noticed Ten’s presence in the first place. 

Ten slams the bathroom door shut, disregarding the fact that it made a loud sound that could probably be heard by the others. He’s leaning against the shut door trying to process the situation that just occurred, but his legs couldn’t hold his body weight as they were intensely trembling. Ten sits on the carpeted bathroom floor as his eyes become out of focus—he still can’t seem to grasp that Kun has a….

No. That’s impossible. Since when did Kun ever like guys? When did those two ever become a couple? Ten never realized that Kun was in a relationship, but how could he? Kun probably hid his relationship from the members to avoid negative reactions; that still doesn’t explain how Kun even  _ found _ someone like that man. So many thoughts brewing within Ten’s head but one sticks to the forefront:

_ Why didn’t I confess sooner? _

Ten saw Kun’s smile when his boyfriend kissed him--he could see how madly in love Kun was with whoever that was. Ten has never seen Kun smile like the way he did; Ten could notice, regardless of how long those two had been dating, Kun was emotionally and romantically invested in this man that wasn’t Ten. Ten realizes he couldn’t give the same thing to Kun, because it was too late. That shattered Ten immensely. 

He doesn’t notice that he’s crying when he feels wet droplets fall on his hands. Ten furiously rubs at his eyes as to prevent himself from crying even more, but to no avail. All Ten could do was lean his head back on the door and sob; Kun is in love with someone else, and Ten couldn’t do anything about it. 

Ten jolts suddenly as soon as he hears a small jingling sound, wondering of the origin of the sound. More tears continue to fall from his eyes, the jingling sound still quiet yet still prevalent in the miniscule bathroom. The man finds himself standing up to find the source of the sound—until he faces the mirror above the sink. 

Tears in the shape of stars race down his cheeks, one or two escaping his tear ducts. 

As the tears continue to fall, the jingling sound becomes more prominent, and that’s when Ten is slammed back into his reality. He stands shocked in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection as stars land on the sink counter, causing Ten to look down in horror. 

_ He’s crying actual stars,  _ Ten thinks to himself as he reaches up to his face to catch one of these stars. It’s the color blue—Kun’s favorite color. Ten doesn’t know what to do, or even how to react, instead he steps out of the bathroom and shakily sighs.

_ What is going on? _


	2. clandestine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s just ignore the fact that i’ve been putting off writing this fanfic for about two months now—truthfully I haven’t found the motivation to continue writing fanfic in general as my mood has been bleh. but, I finished this chapter last month and decided to edit it to post. thank you to those who are still sticking by, I promise to crank out more chapters hopefully by the end of august. pls enjoy ✨

The next morning, Ten feels like he’s trapped in a fever dream, scanning his surroundings after waking up in a cold sweat. He gulps down the lump stuck in his throat, finding it difficult to properly breathe after reliving the memories of last night.

The image of the pale, blue star sitting idly in his hands is permanently ingrained in his head. He doesn’t understand how it was even possible for him to cry actual stars—it just felt physically impossible for someone to produce something that isn’t meant to be excreted from an eyeball. With a newfound yearn for answers, Ten jolts up in his bed, ignoring his groaning muscles aching in exhaustion. He doesn’t even notice Guanheng’s empty bed nor the commotion of the members in the kitchen.

The man hurriedly grabs his phone from the nightstand and types in “star tears” into the search engine, gnawing at his bottom lip while his nerves go into overdrive. Ten is slightly overwhelmed by the millions of pages and links that appear on his screen in a flash, but he pushes the feeling aside and continues his search. Ten clicks on the first link—“ _The Truth Behind the Dreaded Star Tears Disease_ ”

Just the word “disease” makes Ten shake in unease as he starts thoroughly reading the article. His eyes carefully scan the explanation of the disease—Ten learns the official name is known as Hoshinamida: 

“ _ Hoshinamida, also known as the Star Tears disease, is a serious condition caused by unrequited love. In this situation, those that experience unrequited love from their love interest or partner will experience tearful bouts in which individuals secrete stars from their eyes, similar to tears. _ ”

Ten slightly widens his eyes as he reads through the explanation, focusing on every single word written on the screen, especially the word “ unrequited ”: He feels his chest constrict with dread, but nonetheless, he continues reading the article to find more information. 

“ _ A sound—similar to a jingling or twinkling—will accompany the star tears _ _._ ”

Ten perks up at the mentions of the jingling sound, his mind tracing back to last night. 

“ _ Not only do the star tears twinkle like an actual star in our galaxy, each star tear will be a certain color; this also depends on each person. Many accounts have stated their star tears are predominately a single color, that being their love interest’s favorite color. Hoshinomida may not seem serious to many, however… _ ”

Ten slowly lowers his phone into his lap as he stares forward with an unfocused gaze. He couldn’t continue reading the article, he’s already obtained way too much information for his sanity. He realizes then when he finally snaps out of his trance that Kun, his love interest, doesn’t truly reciprocate the same feelings Ten has for him; if he did, Ten wouldn’t be suffering the consequences like he is now. In a way, he should despise Kun for subjecting Ten to a disease that he can’t rid himself from. 

Ten knows though, he could never hate Kun. As selfish as it is, Ten is still in love with Kun, even if Kun is romantically satisfied with someone that isn’t Ten. 

The man feels pathetic at the moment as he feels tears burning in his eyes, heavily sighing at the situation he’s got himself into. What is he supposed to do? He surely can’t tell Kun about all of this, nor does he have the courage to tell the members. Ten takes his phone in his hand again and scrolls through his contact list.

Nothing. No one would probably even understand his situation. He’s even petrified to talk to his best friend, Johnny. Ten tightens his grip on his phone and proceeds to fling it across the room in frustration. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes in order to prevent any tears from escaping—to prevent the star tears from escaping. 

Someone knocks on the door and Ten suddenly jolts out of his despair to pull himself together, “Hey, Ten? You okay in there?”. Guanheng.

“Y-yeah uh, I’m fine Hendery.” Ten responds, feeling his anxiety crawl throughout his body, making him rub his hands onto his sweatpant-clad thighs. 

“Okay, just making sure. We made breakfast if you wanna come join”, Guanheng said. Ten replies with a quick “sure, be right there” as he hears Guanheng’s footsteps fade. 

Ten sighs for the nth time and forces himself to get out of his bed, first walking to the full-length mirror to make sure he looks semi-decent. His eyes look pitiful, like there wasn’t any sign of life left in them.

Someone’s bound to notice sooner or later, maybe then he will finally confess this secret he’s holding.

Unfortunately for Ten, he doesn’t confide in anyone about the situation. In fact, he’s starting to distance himself from the members; he’s beginning to talk less during dinner and hangouts, he would rather seclude himself in his room, and he’s even started to ignore text messages and calls from Johnny and Taeyong. It’s become so severe that even members outside the group have begun to worry about him, which only heightened Ten's extreme anxiety. 

Only a month has passed and the disease has become worse than Ten expected it to be. Everytime he thinks about Kun, he cries. He cries and sobs and wails so much, and the star tears descend rapidly like his deteriorating wellbeing. Sometimes they’re the color of a sunflower, and sometimes they're a pretty, pastel pink. 

But the majority of the tears that cascade down his cheeks are blue. Ten thinks his own body is taunting him for the one thing he wasn’t able to have; the opportunity that slipped from his grasp and left him stranded and terrified. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s a thread with more info about hoshinamida, it was the main influence for writing this story!
> 
> https://twitter.com/rchimedesu/status/1246209686682185730?s=20


	3. malaise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we just gonna ignore the fact that i've been inactive for several months now and haven't updated since august but um yeah anyways-enjoy!! <3

The members weren’t ignorant; they saw Ten’s baggy eyes filled with sorrow, his energy considerably deteriorating with each passing day. Guanheng, his roommate, was the first to notice—the slouched posture, the one-word responses, and the red eyes, as if Ten had spent the entire day emptying the saline from his eyes. The man eventually noted this to Yangyang and Dejun, eventually the older members becoming informed as well. 

The members had tried asking Ten, cornering him and trying to force it out of him. To no avail, however, as Ten would constantly avoid their questioning gazes and interrogations.

Ten knew that the members were starting to get suspicious, but he also knew he couldn’t just outright confess. Ten told them everything was fine; usually Ten never had a problem with expressing his emotions, especially to the other members and especially not to Kun. 

He already caused some minor chaos when he officially met Kun’s boyfriend (Ten learned his name was Hyunmin). The dancer looked severely disinterested in whatever Hyunmin was saying to him and even slightly raising his voice at the man, immediately alerting Kun as well as the other members. 

Needless to say, Dejun and Yangyang chewed him out for not being supportive of Kun’s relationship. Sicheng, taking the calmer approach, had scolded Ten privately for the same reason the younger members had. In both instances, all he could do was sit silently and nod his head at the words the members were spewing towards him. It hurt Ten the most to see the leader confused and heartbroken by Ten’s actions, rushing to his room instead of facing Ten.

Little did the members know, Ten tried his damn best to look as disinterested as possible because he knew if he opened his mouth, he would start bawling. 

Ever since that day, Ten had gone out of his way to especially avoid Kun. It was like avoiding a walking plague—being in the same group didn’t help Ten’s case at all. He was slowly losing his mind living in the same dorm as Kun, not being able to even look the older man in the eyes. Even sneaking quick glances at Kun’s side profile would throw Ten into a bout of jingling tears. 

It was all because of Kun that Ten was losing not only his members, but himself as well. His tears were the only thing that grounded him back to reality—each star that slid down his cheeks wordlessly reminded him of his chances long gone, almost as if having this strange disease was the universe’s punishment for Ten for being such a fool. 

Ten chuckles slightly at this thought, the tears continuing to cascade as he’s serenaded with a loud, jingling sound. He runs his hands through the stars that have landed on the carpeted floor of his bedroom. Yet he doesn’t spare a glance at them, just letting them dissolve slowly on the ground while he continues to cry. 

“Such an idiot”, Ten mutters. To himself? To Kun? To the universe? He’s not sure, he’s already too far gone to care anymore. 

  
  


Ten doesn’t realize how long it’s been—at this point, he’s unaware of how many days or even weeks had passed. The man has grown accustomed to the star tears that constantly overflow from his eyes. The more tears he cries, the more his head hurts. He’s begun to feel a pulsing at the back of his eyes, the pain growing exponentially worse every time he cries. 

Ten tries to think of something else, anything else to distract him, but the pain consumes his mind. 

He can’t escape it. 

He finds himself in the bathroom again, crumbling to the ground, overwhelmed by all the erratic emotions he’s been coping with. He clutches his head, his legs bent at the knees, as he continuously sobs with his head pounding non-stop—it’s becoming unbearable at this point. Ten roughly grabs his hair as if to alleviate the ache, all the while the jingle sound of his tears mock him viciously. The tears let him know he will never have Kun; it’s a constant reminder that he will never be good enough for Kun, that Ten will never be like him, he will never be like Hyunmin. _What did Kun even see in Hyunmin? What does Hyunmin have that he doesn't? Why can’t he be more like Hyungmin?_ Hyunmin had a perfect body, it was small yet well built and his face was so goddamn attractive, it made Ten want to punch him in the face.

Ten knows it’s useless for him to be comparing himself to him, he has everything a person could want for themselves, or even for a partner. Hell, he’s an idol, he’s the epitome of “perfect” in the eyes of the media. It was the way that Hyunmin and Kun interacted that made Ten feel anguished; Hyunmin made the leader smile and laugh, the couple constantly kissing each other and feeling each other up wherever they were. Kun would giggle whenever Hyunmin would whisper in his ear, and the look they gave each other just _screamed_ "in love". It took every fibre in Ten's being not to rip them apart and kiss Kun right then and there. 

But he knows he can't do that, he's not allowed to. He could've had that moment, but it was too late for that. _It's because he's a coward._

He knows he should have confessed sooner rather than later, he knows he shouldn’t have waited, he _knows_ he could have made Kun his if he just told the leader. He knows, but he refuses to admit it. 

Ten would rather let himself succumb to his inner anxieties than admit fault for his actions.

There’s a knock on the bathroom door that pulls Ten out of his inner reverie. His head feels foggy, but he can just slightly make out Yukhei’s voice from the other side of the door. 

“Ten-ge, are you okay? You’ve been in there for awhile”

The dancer frantically but quietly collects the pile of stars that have congregated on the floor, throwing them in the toilet bowl and flushing them down once every single one has been collected. He checks himself through the mirror—it’s so obvious that he’s been sobbing like a child in the bathroom for God knows how long, but he dismisses it and finally opens the door. 

Ten gives the taller man a bright smile and responds with a “I’m fine”, promptly walking back to his room as to not create any further suspicion from Yukhei. 

Yukhei is taken aback by Ten’s sudden actions and odd behavior. He’s aware of Ten’s slump, he knows the older man is going through something at the moment and he wishes he could help in some way. The man shrugs if off and enters the bathroom, but not before noticing a tiny glint on the carpeted floor. He bends down to inspect it further, and before he could reach his hand out to touch it, the glint suddenly dissolves right before his eyes. Yukhei runs his hand through the rug to see if it was still there, but it wasn’t. _He knows he saw it, it was right there!_

Yukhei frowns as he straightens out his body, wondering if he was just imagining what he saw. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was basically a filler chapter and the start of the drama ooooo but yes i hope you enjoyed this chapter! i'll be starting chapter 4 soon and hopefully i won't be a procrastinating dumbass and put this off for another 5 months


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